i was really happy that my baby was three months old. to be very honest i had a lot of expectations that now she would be sleeping at least 5 to 6 hours at night and would like sitting in her bouncer and play. well she did enjoy playing in the playing gym but bouncer no way. she preferred to be in lap. yes!! i would like to admit that i really started to get frustrated as she slept around 3 to 4 am and it has been so so so tough that i just had one thing thought all the time that “kids cannot be a source to make husband and wife bond stronger and that the moments i should be feeling happy and if they are making me angry by being cranky all the time than it cant be a blessing”.

i am sorry to say this i really am but lately feeling have gotten really weird, i really love my daughter a lot i really do may be people think i don’t but i do. and yes my family has also felt the same that i am not that good of a mother. but honestly i know what i go through having such things wondering in my mind. i am definitely not bad to my daughter and i can never be she is my blood i have given birth to her. but the love has something missing.and i feel it when when she cries and is not ready to sleep at night and wants me to talk all the time. and i just simply love her when she gives me a big smile when she gets up in the morning and i say “good morning”. and she giggles on top of her lungs. by the Grace of God she is one adorable child who is perfect in health.

i have felt really weird and i am really sorry for it. i do not think it is appropriate for mother to think this way. but it just feels that my world has been attacked by some sort of bomb who keeps blasting everyday and no matter how much effort i put it shatters again and again. my biggest support is my hubby, i love him for being there always. i badly want to work and he has been supportive to this too. other family members are also good but it is just they have always see what i might not be doing in there eyes, but in reality i am doing all those things. and they never appreciate for what i am doing for my baby.only my hubby and the doctor appreciate that i am doing more than enough.

after having baby i feel that few people are not even concerned for what i want what they just think that i should start doing everything on my own from now because i have baby now and i am old enough. when i believe there is time to everything you just cant jump into stuff before time, i am just 22 at the moment and have loads of things to settle in my life.

anyway, i must say being mom is great at least you get to learn and bear a lot. therefore new moms to be, open what you feel and want in life after baby as the time once gone will never return. and do not take my experience of feelings to heart as everyone goes through different situations and incidents.

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