i was really happy that my baby was three months old. to be very honest i had a lot of expectations that now she would be sleeping at least 5 to 6 hours at night and would like sitting in her bouncer and play. well she did enjoy playing in the playing gym but bouncer no way. she preferred to be in lap. yes!! i would like to admit that i really started to get frustrated as she slept around 3 to 4 am and it has been so so so tough that i just had one thing thought all the time that “kids cannot be a source to make husband and wife bond stronger and that the moments i should be feeling happy and if they are making me angry by being cranky all the time than it cant be a blessing”.

i am sorry to say this i really am but lately feeling have gotten really weird, i really love my daughter a lot i really do may be people think i don’t but i do. and yes my family has also felt the same that i am not that good of a mother. but honestly i know what i go through having such things wondering in my mind. i am definitely not bad to my daughter and i can never be she is my blood i have given birth to her. but the love has something missing.and i feel it when when she cries and is not ready to sleep at night and wants me to talk all the time. and i just simply love her when she gives me a big smile when she gets up in the morning and i say “good morning”. and she giggles on top of her lungs. by the Grace of God she is one adorable child who is perfect in health.

i have felt really weird and i am really sorry for it. i do not think it is appropriate for mother to think this way. but it just feels that my world has been attacked by some sort of bomb who keeps blasting everyday and no matter how much effort i put it shatters again and again. my biggest support is my hubby, i love him for being there always. i badly want to work and he has been supportive to this too. other family members are also good but it is just they have always see what i might not be doing in there eyes, but in reality i am doing all those things. and they never appreciate for what i am doing for my baby.only my hubby and the doctor appreciate that i am doing more than enough.

after having baby i feel that few people are not even concerned for what i want what they just think that i should start doing everything on my own from now because i have baby now and i am old enough. when i believe there is time to everything you just cant jump into stuff before time, i am just 22 at the moment and have loads of things to settle in my life.

anyway, i must say being mom is great at least you get to learn and bear a lot. therefore new moms to be, open what you feel and want in life after baby as the time once gone will never return. and do not take my experience of feelings to heart as everyone goes through different situations and incidents.

The 2nd month started and i was very relaxed that now things would be good as she is healthy. i had to stop breast-feeding as my daughter was having problem latching as she was too small as well. i had to completely make her go on the formula milk. as she is lactose intolerant she takes NL-33 special formula milk. it was good as she started to pass stool regularly. But soon she catched flu and because of it she had soar throat and fever.

well that was a bit worry some time for me. as i had not seen my daughter well for a long period, meaning that she got ill after every 2 to 3 days which i would say really worried me. something negative got injected inside me, my daughter cried so much that i extremely used to get irritated though i knew that kids cry. even if she was k and she cried for milk or for no reason at times i got frustrated to that extent that i did not want her with me at that moment. i just did not know how to handle it. By grace of God my hubby was really patient in helping me, though few times he also got irritated and his facial expressions were clear that he has no capacity to bear my this attitude of nagging regarding our daughter but still he never said anything except that i should not be talking about it so much and he was right because it showed that i am taking care of his comfort.and this is what i felt not him.

with such young baby it is not easy. this is what i always knew but still going through this was odd for me as i never wanted this maybe it is part of depression but still i wanted that it overs soon.

my child has been great no matter i have ever said it or not i knew that she is one adorable sweety that God gifted us.

she got the vaccination and she was quiet cranky for next two weeks i was really tired and i used to think that why is it happening to my child but then i had heard that many children go through this, also she could not sleep at night usually after two she fell asleep or around four. that really disturbed me. i just kept thinking that my life was over.but then i heard people saying that this is how it is. i didn’t know who to believe my gut or people?

anyway i started her with cows milk as well half half both. hoping that soon will see good results.

i am grateful to my hubby he is best daddy and beat hubby, i would say to be blessed with great partner is a most important one needs.also, to blessed with a kid who is easy going is important too equally.