I remember first three days were at hospital and our baby was doing really good. doctors had to put her in light to treat her for jaundice. and it made her skin go a little dark as well.

When i came home she slept for three hours and then she woke up for milk and it was a task. all of sudden she stopped having milk and could not latch at all. and i used to sit two bending and to help her latch for milk. and she just could not. she kept crying all day and night. it just was so terrible, and hard to control irritated mood. i remember who ever came thought that i am not putting up enough effort to feed her or that i am not feeding her my milk. so many comments just made me feel irritated.

I was never guided that breasts should be really soft and pressable that baby can latch easily, mine were a little soft, i was guided late by that time i got fever and i fainted and my baby was in my lap and my hubby held her that she does not fall. she was premature baby, just 4.8 pounds. it was hard to take care.

Worst comments had been that i did not eat enough in last days and that is why my amniotic fluid dropped but it was not the case and this is what i know. it just seemed that everyone was trying to tell me that i do not care for the baby and this really depressed me. i not only felt this but i got really depressed that as if God had put me in big trial and i was not able to pass at all. i started feeling that i was loosing my hubby, and i was not able to enjoy the motherhood fresh start it just seemed a punishment and it was clear that i was going through depression. it just seemed that children were not a blessing. i just did not want another one but i knew i cant run away now and will have to have another one after few years as my hubby loves kids. and it depressed me further more.

I was all the time scared that i was loosing my hubby maybe i could not stand his attention diverted but i got it in head a little bit. but honestly it is not easy to fight negative feelings. and most disturbing part was that i knew my hubby was going through frustrated moods but he never discussed, and when i asked he promised that he did not feel this at all. and in case my hubby and my feelings were opposite as what i have heard from others. another reason is for all messed up feelings that she has been ill till now,flu,and i had to put her on formula milk which made her constipated and it took time to settle her down i think one full month to calm her down.

No matter what i will i knew one thing in all these things, all negative wives i loved my daughter a lot and i took care of her as much as i could and no matter how much frustrated it has been i did it. and she is one adorable baby and i know no one can ever replace her.

Thus, still fighting to get used to motherhood, and i am wishing everyone good luck who are going to be mothers. and one thing i would suggest is that it negative feelings do not take my experience too serious as i believe that everyone has different experiences and that try keeping help it would keep giving you break and would let you have time of your own.

Did you like this? If so, please bookmark it, about it, and subscribe to the blog RSS feed.